Scientists Discover Place For Disgruntled Romney Supporters To Move

In the wake of Mitt Romney's electoral trouncing, his supporters have been threatening to move to even more socialist countries, like Canada and Australia. But, it now appears that science, of all things, has discovered just the right place for them. Astronomers announced today that they had discovered a 'Super-Earth'… » 11/08/12 11:53pm 11/08/12 11:53pm

Pat Robertson Dumbfounded That Women Watch Porn

Pat Robertson, a man who has a club named after him for how many times he masturbated in one day, is stunned by the prospect of women masturbating. Robertson, who is renowned for suggesting that people might not want to adopt children and that men should move to Saudi Arabia to beat their wives, was amazed that 30% of… » 11/08/12 9:40pm 11/08/12 9:40pm

Hurricane Sandy Has Made New Yorkers Fat

The destruction caused by Sandy is estimated to be in the range of $50 billion. Thousands have been left without a place to live, utilities, and other basic necessities. Yesterday, The New York Times revealed what is probably the most damaging aftereffect of the super storm yet: tight jeans. Terming the tragic… » 11/08/12 8:25pm 11/08/12 8:25pm

Montana Voters Deprive Corporations Of Their Humanity

When you went to Wal-Mart today, you probably could not help but notice that the store was sad. That is because on Tuesday Montana voters overwhelmingly voted to deprive them of their humanity. Initiative 166 was passed with 75% of the vote, and states that corporations are "not entitled to constitutional rights because … » 11/08/12 6:45pm 11/08/12 6:45pm